Going Through a Rough Patch

This post is going to be something a little different.

Lately I have found my self feeling rock bottom, well what I class as rock bottom, sometimes I just want to pack up and leave this life behind, and start fresh somewhere else.

A little bit of background to where this has all come from, and just a little disclaimer, I am in no way saying that I am worst off, because i know full well there are people out there who would love to be in my position, this is just my background.

When I was 11, my parents got divorced, not the worst thing in the world, but it felt like my world had come crashing down and that it was mine and my brothers fault in some way, but the simple fact was, they didn't love each other anymore.  That day I had to grow up from this happy 11 year old girl, into someone who could look after my mom and brother, as well as having to let my dad leave to go and live somewhere else.  I missed out on my child hood due to this and felt alienated from everything and everyone. 

shortly after my parents got divorced, my grandad was diagnosed with cancer, which was mortifying. He was like my best friend   We would watch Jungle Book together and skid around my grandmas living room with cardboard stuck to our knees to catch some speed! 

I started high school in 2003, and had the best year ever.  

In 2004 just after I started my second year of high school, my grandad sadly lost his fight against cancer and died.  Again, my whole world had come crashing down on me, I had lost my best friend and a loving grandad.

After this had happened, I lost all confidence with everything, and for this started getting bullied at school for going from a cheeky, outgoing young girl to a shy and quiet young girl who kept her self to her self. 

This went on all through the remaining years of my school life.  I took it up until year 10 where I just couldn't take it anymore and stopped going to school, without my Mum and Dad knowing and got them into quite a lot of trouble, I wont go into detail.  I was then put on a attendance report until the end of my exams and then left school with average GCSE's rather than the results I was heading for.

My dad, during this stage of my life, had been with a woman who used to bully me and my brother, which again knocked my confidence massively.  She made my dad choose between her or me and my brother, he chose us thankfully and left her.

He then met a new lady friend and decided to move a hour away and my brother went with him.  I was left on my own and felt like everyone I cared about had been taken away from me.  This is when I started acting out, to essentially get some attention, this ended up being the wrong kind of attention and got me into all sorts of trouble.

I now barley hear from my Dad unless I make the effort, the same with most of my Dads family.  This has always made me feel like I have done something wrong and feel hated, which isn't a nice feeling at all.

This brings me up to the present day.

I think having to grow up early and going through a life time of being bullied and ignored and put down has made me feel really down and low, no confidence to do anything, and generally not happy in my self.

I came across a channel called SprinkleOfGlitter around a year or two ago and have been hooked.  She uploaded a video called 'Being Happy', I automatically clicked it and watched the video.

Now, after watching this, it made me think to my self, why should I let other people put me down?  There is more to life than dwelling on the past.  The past has happened, its sad, but its time to move on right?

Louise has been such an inspiration to me in my 'hour of need' especially with this video.  She's just beautiful, She has the most amazing little family, amazing friends and an amazing YouTube community supporting her.

The video has made me value all the things I have in my life and the people.  Not to let little things get me down and not to really care what people think of me anymore. I'm my own person and to stay happy I have to enjoy the little things in my life now, instead of thinking of all the bad things that have happened to me, to have a positive attitude towards life, to think to my self 'I can do it', I can get through the bad times and just be happy.

The past is the past, no matter how bad it has been, there will always be hurdles in life that I will have to overcome and when they arise I'll be prepared in a way.

This is essentially a thank you to Louise for this video because it was the kick up the backside that I needed, so THANK YOU!